Ok, everyone. I have a question or two for those who would care to respond, as i am looking for a little input on the subject. What part of being left alone to raise your child ( assuming that you were not given other options ) makes you the most upset? The financial aspects? The worrying about your child's future without a father? Or the biological implications, i.e. allergies, known familial diseases, etc.? Have people told you that you would be better off not searching for or seeking out assistance from the father at all? Does that make you angry? I ask because, of all the thoughts that cross my mind, in my situation what bothers me most is the fact that my son will simply never be acknowledged by his biological father, and I am sure sooner or later he will have questions that I'm not sure I can answer.
Asalaam 3alaikum Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteIn regards to ur questions, I am the most disturbed by the way my Ex-husband has handled the entire situation. I have very detailed emails between us during the time of my mid-pregnancy until a week before I delivered -- he never once denied our marriage/relationship, or that we have a child together. I still have the original emails and conversations we sent each other and my family & friends saw how he was so concerned about his future son.
After a month and a half of our son being born, he completely disappeared. What I wanna know is WHY and WHAT HAPPENED??? How can someone say all these things, make promises and then totally eff off LoL errrr ok there...
Meanwhile, fast-forward almost a year later -- I re-married another Saudi (uffff what is it with me and Gulfies LoL) and THANKS GOD he takes care of my son like HIS OWN. He asked me to give him his family name but Islamically I cannot change my son's name from his biological father's because that is what he will be called on the Day of Judgement. However, that doesn't stop my sweet husband from loving him and providing us with everything we need (and more mashaaAllah).
I can say for my part, I've reached out to the father of my son but he's made it obvious he does not want anything to do with us. Even when my son was taken to the hospital, I informed his friend and sent a message to him but both said nothing. So cruel and heartless, authoo billah.
A real parent couldn't go to sleep peacefully at night, not knowing if their own flesh, blood and namesake were safe & okay. That is the most upsetting aspect of it all and some days I am so angry towards my son's father for what he did to us... So full of hate and anger but I know I have to be strong and make sure my child is proud of where he comes from and doesn't hate his father. Ummmm but I guess when he knows the truth, he will be old enough and understand how to deal with the news.
This life is so funny... Allah alMusta3an
I'm American. The problem isn't unique to Saudi men. Both my parents were Lebanese. I married an Israeli. We lived together for 8 years because he didn't want to marry until he had his 'green card'. Didn't want me to think it was the green card he wanted. We had a child after 6 years being together. Then I insisted we marry. We did. Then 2 1/2 months later he took the money, disappeared. I gave this story to show that men are alike, regardless of their ethnicity, in their lack of commitment to women & their children. What bothers me the most about a father abandoning his children is that it affects the child. Leaving me, though it may hurt, isn't anywhere near as bad as it is to hurt a child. It affects the way they think of themselves and leaves a wound that repeatedly opens all through their lives.
ReplyDeleteIt is truly a man's world. Even we women in the West still struggle with being considered second class citizens. Strides we have made are mostly for show. We are still dehumanized in many ways. Only God knows the struggle of women.